For many people, our animals are our family. Even if we’re in danger, we won’t leave our beloved pets behind. This is especially true for those of us threatened by domestic violence.
As many as 48% of female pet owners have delayed or entirely dismissed seeking alternative shelter out of concern for their animal. According to the National Sheriffs’ Association, “… a 2017 study showed that 89% of women who had companion animals during an abusive relationship reported that their animals were threatened, harmed, or killed by this abusive partner.”
I know this is true because my attempts to escape such a relationship put my dog in danger.
Shortly after breaking up with a man I had been dating, I adopted Winston — a loyal and spirited rescue dog with eyes full of unwavering devotion. However, “Todd” (not his real name) would not accept that our relationship was over.
Todd informed me that I was his and he did not share. He also asked whether I wanted to see death coming, which paralyzed me with fear waiting for him to kill me.
But he wasn’t satisfied with scaring me. Todd kidnapped Winston, telling police the dog was his. I was advised to seek a court order — even though Winston had been microchipped to me and all his records listed my name and address. It took a week before my attorney was able to negotiate his safe return without having to go to court. While I don’t know what happened while Todd had Winston, after my dog’s return he would cower in the corner, afraid to leave my side.
In the meantime, Todd continued to harass and stalk me, following me whenever I left my house, contacting my employer to get me fired, often appearing in my back yard at night.
My state’s nuanced definition of stalking meant I had to endure multiple such incidents, gathering photos and video footage, before I was able to file criminal charges.
Todd was arrested a week after the warrant was issued, but any relief I felt was short-lived. He was released on bond in less than 24 hours, and my home was no longer safe.
No shelter would help; they didn’t have a bed for me, much less a place for Winston to sleep. I tried to board Winston with a business I’d used before, but the owner — thanks to Todd’s lies — believed I was abusing my dog. Instead, Winston and I escaped to a friend’s house out of state.
I would no sooner have left Winston behind than I would a child. Yet this is the decision many victims of domestic violence face.
Domestic violence shelters across the nation are overcrowded and understaffed to begin with. According to the 17th Annual Domestic Violence Counts Report by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), in a single day 6,748 victims were denied the emergency shelter they desperately needed. In 2022, emergency shelter was the number one service reduced, according to the study. A lack of funding for these programs is reducing an already strained capacity to serve those in need. The issue becomes even more dire when victims have pets.
According to the Safe Havens Mapping Project, there are approximately 1,200 shelters nationwide for animals experiencing domestic violence. Only 28.3% of them will co-house pets on-site with their human companions. Those shelters that do offer co-housing or off-site fostering need additional funding to provide this support.
After Todd was convicted for stalking me, he turned to me and hissed, “You’re going to regret this.” He’s since done his best to make his statement truth. He searched for me after his release and was arrested again. I moved three times in eight months, eventually settling in a new town with Winston. Despite all that, Todd tried again to find me this past May.
Winston and I live a peaceful life, marred by the knowledge that Todd is still out there, still trying to make me regret his conviction.
Domestic violence victims and their pets need more support. You can help by asking your local or state government to increase funding for shelters that include animals. You can also help nonprofits like BestyBnB, which offers temporary housing for pets whose owners are in crisis.
People will choose their pet’s safety over their own. If they’re able to choose both, then even more lives will be saved.
Kathryn Caraway lived life as the target of a stalker for years. After her perpetrator’s conviction, Kathryn founded the Unfollow Me Project to raise education and awareness of the debilitating effects of stalking. For more information, go to https://unfollowme.com.
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